The Inheritors Journey-From the Dark to the Light
A Review of Navigating the Dark Side of Wealth
A Life Guide for Inheritors
By Thayer Cheatham Willis
2003. New Concord Press, Portland, OR

By Dennis T. Jaffe, Ph.D.
Saybrook Graduate School, San Francisco

Thayer Willis is an heir to a lot of money; and she is proud of it. But she didn't come into her pride and self-esteem easily. In fact, inheriting wealth from her father's successful family business made it very difficult for her to feel good about herself, find loving relationships, and discover what to do with her life. From her own developmental journey she has many lessons to share with others who are struggling to come to terms with inherited wealth. The lessons she learned in her own struggle have led her to train as a psychotherapist, and develop a practice counseling other heirs about problems with wealth, relationships, work and personal development.

When a family has a successful business, there is a windfall to the next generation whether or not they actually work in the business. When a large and successful family business is sold, or when a family member has the option of selling his or her stock in the business, a family business successor may become an heir. From early in life, they are wealthy and know that they will inherit wealth from the family. Willis suggests that, while those who are not heirs may see such wealth as a great benefit, inheritance is not a simple joy, but rather the beginning of a personal struggle to develop a personal identity that includes the responsible use of one's money, and a life with important and loving relationships and good work. "If you have inherited substantial wealth, then you know that it is harder for you than for most people to achieve a sense of purpose and competence. (p. 1)"

This may not be on the short list of the world's most pressing problems, but the human cost of lives with great opportunity, and the social cost of wealth that is not put to a responsible and thoughtful purpose, certainly justifies writing this book. The pain of some of the heirs whose stories populate this book certainly shows the shallowness of the myth that money buys happiness. The myth, which is real enough to cause anxiety in parents who want the best for their children, is that a fortune is built up and gone within three generations. This book is a guide for heirs, on how to live with their wealth in such a way that it enriches their lives, and is not lost to future generations. It is about how the heirs of a family fortune can learn to become stewards and guardians of their wealth, rather than merely consumers of it. While some family members can go into the family's business, the majority of heirs of family business will be heirs, receiving the benefits but having to find their own way through life and work.

This is a powerful book because it is deeply felt. Willis begins with her own experience, and frequently shares bits of her own difficult struggle. She seems to have earned her identity rather than stepped into it. It gives authority to her pronouncements, and makes us able to understand how she came to see the world as she does. This is a spiritual and moralistic book, not a book of sociology. Willis suggests that the journey an heir must take is a spiritual journey, and that the achievement of faith and embracing of a higher purpose is necessary to come to grips with wealth. While this book certainly fits on a Christian bookshelf, Willis takes pains not to be offensive or off-putting, and her citing of biblical sources struck me as no different from the use of Buddhist or Sufi stories to illustrate points. They illustrate universal, not sectarian truths about self-development. She understands that a spiritual journey can take many forms.

The struggle to come to terms with wealth begins on the dark side, where what is intended as a gift of infinite promise and possibility is experienced as stifling, confusing, scary, or even painful. If you inherit wealth, it comes with a sense of guilt for not having earned it, distrust that other people are after your money, a tendency to be exploited in relationships, and difficulty finding satisfaction or comfort in finding useful work. Stories of heirs who squandered their wealth and entered destructive relationships dot the book. They aren't miracle stories of how people come to Thayer and find their way; many times, the outcome is not even shared. We get the sense that getting out of these dark spaces is painful and difficult.

Willis' major prescriptions are familiar ones. One needs to be responsible in becoming aware of and using one's wealth. One needs to create relationships based on communication, love, trust, loyalty and compromise. One needs to find a calling and purpose in life, and to get an education. People need to develop their character by what they do and who they are, not through their money. The process of growth involves moving one's money from the foreground, to the background, to make it a resource for achieving one's goals and life purposes.

Wealth, according to Willis, adds a layer of complexity and struggle to finding intimacy, developing trust, and finding good work. She is particularly effective in showing how an heir, while not having to work for money to survive, must nonetheless find ways to do something worthwhile, which often takes the form of a career in social service, arts or social action. Not needing money does not relieve people of the need to work, but it makes the choice of career both broader, and more difficult.

What sets this book apart, and makes it compulsively readable, are the stories. Each chapter is filled with stories that present the complex lives of heirs, their challenges and dilemmas, in poignant and riveting detail. They are presented without judgment, and often without a clear resolution. In fact, it is sometimes frustrating not to have a clearer idea of what these people did to work on these issues, they seem so overwhelming.

If one comes from a family business, one must be thoughtful and conscious about what it means to grow up with wealth. This book is a useful guide to the particular challenges one has to overcome.