way I want it, wouldn't that mean I would be a loser?" She felt terrified to give up any of her "rights."

After letting her think about it for two days, Barry walked up to her cabin and sat down on the step beside her. He said, "So, how're you doing?" Tess answered, "I feel bad." Barry-whose nickname, she later found out, was "Bottom Line Barry"-said, "Are you ready to work?" She said, "Well, I don't know…" Barry stood up to leave, and seeing that, she added, "No, wait!" He stopped and turned around, so she continued, "It's just that if I give up who I have been, I don't know who I'll be." He said, "Right, that's your fear. I know who you'll be. You'll be that beautiful person you've kept locked up inside of you." Tess knew that again he was right, and she found the courage to say, "OK, I'm ready to work." She stayed for four months, worked harder than she had worked in her life on anything, and made it all the way through the "Advanced" group.

Professional observations: Most people who are allowed to grow up without gratitude, appreciation, and humility have little if any awareness of their attitudes and behaviors. It is unusual for an inheritor to acquire that awareness and have the motivation and the self-discipline to give up destructive attitudes. It happens when the person gets into more pain than he or she is willing to live with. Tess was fortunate that she found great guidance and support in giving up ingratitude and bratty behaviors, and she was able to begin the wonderful journey of becoming the person she had always known secretly was there inside of her.

"When do people finally decide to change, to truly change?" We change because we get into more pain than we are willing to tolerate any longer.
Sometimes I asked myself, "When do people finally decide to change, to truly change?" The answer to this question strikes me as simple: pain. We change because we get into more pain than we are willing to tolerate any longer.

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