her life. She found a career that she loved, and this gave her more ways to practice her growing relationship skills. Well on her way, she decided that she had reached her goals in therapy, and we ended our work.

Several years later, after having married and started a family, she came back to me. She had been asked to join the Art Museum board, and since art was related to her work, she felt complimented and was delighted to accept. During the intervening years, Amy had brought herself into a straight-and-narrow lifestyle, motivated by her vision of the kind of marriage and family she wanted. Much to her surprise, the first person she saw as she walked into the room for her first board meeting was Kevin.

When Kevin first saw Amy, he greeted her warmly, since they had parted on amicable terms. At about the time of Amy's marriage, Kevin had married Claudia. He told Amy that he and Claudia had dated for five years before their marriage. Amy wondered about this marriage but hoped that, like her, Kevin had found his way to values and priorities that would support marriage well.

Kevin had referred to "old times" once or twice in casual conversations with her after meetings, and Amy grew to suspect that Kevin had not embraced the values needed for a successful marriage. One clue had been evident to her at the first museum event both couples had attended. Amy's husband, Brian, had lingered at the door to check their coats when Amy, looking at the crowd, saw Kevin approaching her to say hello. As they talked animatedly, she noticed that Kevin's wife, Claudia, intruded abruptly into the conversation. "This woman is worried about her husband's connection with me," Amy thought at the time, but she shrugged off the notion because it wasn't her problem.

It wasn't long before her doubts that her lifestyle was really quite different from Kevin's proved to be well-founded. He continued to attempt to reminisce with her about their former wild times together, and she sensed uneasily that he would overstep the boundaries of friendship if she would just unlatch the gate.

The common sense she had developed helped her set her boundaries. After telling him only that she "really didn't remember much" about their old days together, he gave up on that connection. The truth, however, was that Amy did remember much more than she cared to admit. She remembered his womanizing character, for one thing, but she simply decided to compartmentalize the past. Nor did she see any benefit that could

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